TESV: The Things We Do
by Qwerty282
Summary: Yep. I just can't seem to focus on any one project. Crackfic. Major 4th wall breaking. Only one theme binding everything together here: What does the Dovahkiin as played by a gamer appear to the rest of the NPCs?
1. 1: Skill Farming

A/N: Yeah, I got bored (again). For those waiting for TDS, for the last time, IT IS ON HOLD AND PENDING REWRITE. For those waiting for a TM update, a 3 chapter pack is on the way.

MAJOR 4th wall breaking. Like, Fus-Ro-Dah-I'm-comin'-in-whether-you-like-it-or-not level. XxD0v hS1ay3rxX is completely fictional and any resemblances to any other TESV OC or your own Skyrim character, whether in name or in action, are completely coincidental. Or not (muehehehehehe).

TESV is owned by Bethesda, as are the characters in the game. XxD0v hS1ay3rxX is MINE. The dialogue in this story is MINE. Guten tag!

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><p>Hadvar rolled his eyes for what must have been the umpteenth time since he and XxD0v hS1ay3rxX (what a weird name, he thought) had entered Helgen Keep.<p>

"How long are you going to keep doing that?" he asked, as she raised her swords to strike him again.

"Until I make my One-Handed skill Legendary twice."

What that meant, he had no idea, only that apparently her Sneak skill was made Legendary thrice, and that her Destruction was Level 45. How and in what way this made sense, he did not know.

Hadvar cried out as the force of the dual-wield attack staggered him and drove him into the gate—again, "Why don't I just kill you and get out of this keep by myself?" he paused, considering something, before asking, "And why don't I seem to be dying from the—Argh!—amount of blows you are pelting me with?"

"Because you are an essential character, and also because you are scripted to lead me out of this keep and to Riverwood," she replied, as she sheathed her weapons to wait for her stamina to recharge.

Hadvar had no idea what that meant, but if Arkay had deemed that he shouldn't die, then that was more than fine with him. And strangely, even as a torrent of fire washed over him, he somehow didn't feel the urge to draw his blade an end the nuisance that was XxD0v hS1ay3rxX.

He then decided to, as the old Legate who trained him always shouted, "suck it up", and went along with the ridiculous "skill farming".

Outside the keep, a very bored Nordic God of Destruction roared, scattering a few of the numerous Stormcloak and Imperial bodies lying about in Helgen just a tad bit further, as Magnus rose over Tamriel on the 26th of Last Seed, 4E 201.


	2. 2: Smithing Time

A/N: Once again I have been incapable of sticking to my main project, and my TDS rewrite, so here we are, the fruits of too many nights of Skyrim.

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><p>18th of Frostfall, 4E 201<p>

Adrianne Avenicci woke up and yawned. Brilliant. A brand new day to get to work and make that quota. Apparently the Jarl liked her sword enough that he was commissioning her to smith a portion of the Whiterun Guard's armoury.

While the money—and recognition of her skill (finally!)—was good, it really ate into her time. And unfortunately, there were only so many steel swords you could forge before it became boring.

Quickly throwing on her usual blacksmith's clothes, and attaching her prized mace to her belt, Adrianne brisk-walked out of her room and was about to reach her front door when she paused, her left eye twitching.

_That_ was the sound of a blacksmith's hammer. Right outside. At 6:00 in the Gods-damned morning.

Hand on the hilt of her mace, the Imperial blacksmith burst through the doors of Warmaiden's, "Who's—"

Her jaw promptly ceased to function properly, and her mind began to struggle to come up with a rational explanation for the scene in front of her.

Lo and behold, XxD0v hS1ay3rxX, her mysterious Breton neighbour, was hammering away at what must have been her 200th iron dagger. The floor around her was littered with daggers, and the side of the smelter was almost buried in lumps of raw ore.

The dagger having taken shape, the Dragonborn dunked it into the trough of water with a steamy hiss, before lifting it up to eye level, twisting and turning it to check for any faults in the metal. Apparently satisfied with her handicraft, XxD0v hS1ay3rxX nonchalantly chucked it over her shoulder into the growing pile of daggers, before turning away from the forge and skipping away, in the direction of Dragonsreach, leaving a stunned Adrianne Avenicci at the doorway.

Her housecarl, Lydia, paused a moment to give a nod of sympathy to Adrianne, before jogging off after her charge.

"Hrngh… What's going on, my love?" the blacksmith turned around to see her husband, Ulfberth War-Bear, at the doorway of their room, armour only half on and one hand absently rubbing at his eye.

"Honey, is there any chance the Imperial Legions might be looking for a particularly large shipment of daggers?"

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><p>AN: Yep, poor Adrianne Avenicci... Anyways, yet another adventure of our Breton battlemage. What troubles will she get into next time? And from whose perspective? *Rubs hands gleefully*

On a completely unrelated note, MASTER CHIEF COLLECTION! Has anyone seen the cinematics for Halo 2 Anniversary? I swear, those graphic made my eyes orgasm from the sheer realism. Also, given how Spartan Locke appears in the intro and ending with the Arbiter, anyone hyped for Halo 5: Guardians? Eh? Anyways, time to collect on that bet with my friend. He owes me ten whole dollars because I bet that the Chief had gone AWOL.

Well, customary author's rant over (in this case, fanboy rant), I suppose it's time for me to go. TTFN! (Who says that anymore?)


End file.
